Whenever looking at a photograph of myself, I look for things I’ve not noticed before, forgotten or just occasionally, see something in the background I’ve always missed, despite viewing the picture around fifty times in the past.
I think this is why I’m a fan of old UK street photography.
I like the real life scenarios I see as well as the architecture.
Recently, I’ve seen a few photographs from my young days and it always strikes me how happy-go-lucky I was.
I then compare how I felt then generally with how I’ve felt lately.
People viewed me differently back then.
Is that reflected in how I used to be? I don’t know.
I looked much happier back then. Much more care free, I remember doing things much more without planning, life seemed easier then, I certainly laughed far more than I do now. I cannot recall a recent time when I laughed so much that I ached from it.
Where did that fun life disappear to?
Did it gradually drain away? Did I just wake up one morning to find it gone and forgot about it? Is it an age thing? Does everyone lose their life sparkle as they get older?
There are so many things I would like to do, but never seem to have the time, or to be more accurate, feel guilty about doing, when other things need my attention.
My life these days is all about doing things for others. Work, weekends, evenings, one common factor is that they all dictate my time, efforts and energy. My time is a commodity for others to spend.
No one calls on me or texts or phones, interested in what I am doing, or with offers of doing something that doesn’t have a purpose.
It’s always a job, a problem, an issue, that concerns them and if I can help in some way to help alleviate the issue for them, then my time becomes their time.
I’m going to try to get back that smiley, happy go lucky face I see looking back at me from the photographs I have and to hell with everyone else.
I’m tired all the time, bored mostly, but above all, I don’t feel I have any escape time for me anymore.
Some get lost in the made up world of television box sets or films, that’s their escape.
Mine is and will be what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I don’t actually know what this will be yet, but when I find it, I’ll be sure to let you know.